Until now, all the restaurants in my town have been French. I love French restaurants. In fact, I make a living as a consultante to French restaurants, telling them how to be really French, but that’s by-the-by and not relevant at all to what I am about to tell you.

Last week it was announced that a new restaurant was coming to town: “Buana Pizza Pasta”. This is an outrage. While it is admittedly the case that a great many people have expressed a desire for Italian food, indeed that they are really fed up with French, the fact remains that the head chef of this new establishment is has fewer years in the restaurant industry than me. I’m not going to talk about my objections to Italian food here, but rather my grave concerns about the staffing of this restaurant. Never mind the head chef has published three widely-acclaimed books on Italian cooking. It’s well known by everyone that wisdom and expertise are in direct proportion to years in the kitchen/ going round other peoples’ kitchens telling them how to be better.

This is a terrible business because the taxpayer’s money should not be spent on such an obviously terrible restaurant. Hang on – oh it’s a private enterprise isn’t it – er, yeah, that simply proves the neo-liberalist conspiracy of which this is a part. Yeah.

Of even greater concern is the fact that all people wishing to dine out are going to be forced to eat in this restaurant. Oh – people can choose to go there can’t they – er – let me think – I’ll come back to that one…

Shit – what if everyone chooses to go there?

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